Really need some advice..............

[ge0rge]

Okay - I started my Bach of Acct via distance - and have done really well in all assessments. I even got 100% on one of the assignments/reports that I submitted, with a letter from the lecturer advising that he does not give the mark out lightly, but was incredibly impressed with the work that was presented.

Except - I have had to defer my exams due to my health.

I have ulcerative distal colitis - and have been in a severe relapse since about August last year (give or take a few weeks). Imagine having the worse case of gastro, and having it for 6 months - straight.

It is controlling my life, my kids life, and my marriage. I can not go out, without about 2 days preperations - which means eating nothing but white bread and crackers, as anything else causes MAJOR problems. And even with those preps, nothing guarentees that there will not be HUGE problems. The pain is so bad that I vomit, and can not get up off the ground. For the last week, I have been walking around with hot water bottles strapped to my belly, so that the pain is dulled.

I have started a new drug called 6MP - and it lowers your immune system, so that when you get sick, you get really sick, really quickly. So, when I got a UTI almost 2 weeks ago, I went from being okay when I woke up, to passing blood in my urine within 3 hours. The red, white and e coli counts where so high, that had the doctor known how sick I was, he would of sent me to hospital instead of sending me home with antibiotics. So now I have to go and have a whole raft of tests done, as they believe that I have some major damage to my kidneys. I am stil on a/b's to make sure the UTI does not reoccur.

I also was on prednisone for 14 weeks - and put on 20 kgs . I was then placed on entocort - which metabolises differently, and neither of these did much to control the UC. They helped some - but my blood pressure went through the roof, my normal pressure is 110/70, I hit 210/130. So, then I was told to get off the steroid or stroke out.
I order everything online, so I don't have to leave the house, which is isolating, and depressing.

We took our DD to her first day of Kindy on Friday, and whilst we were there, I had an attack, which lasted over 30 minutes - and I was not able to control anything. As my DH was driving home, and yelling at me because he is fed up with the situation, all I could do was cry. I have never broken down like that before, he is at the point that he is ready to leave, because he can not take it anymore.

So, after that bit of background - the advice I am seeking is - do I continue study? Or do I medically withdraw from the uni course, because at the moment I am totally and completely lost. I enjoyed the study when I first started - but then, when I got sick, it was the last thing on my mind - even now, as I type this, I am bawling my eyes out, as I am just over it. I just can't keep going on like this.

I should also add, that we run our own business, which I have to do all the admin for - so there is extra stress.

As I said - I am just lost, and have no one to talk to about this.

[Turbo]

That sounds horrible ge0rge, I would definitely be withdrawing from uni and just concentrating on your health. Uni will always be there when you get better.

As for your DH, he should really be more supportive. Its obviously not your fault that your sick. Marriage should be in sickness and in health. Sorry, I know that's not why you posted, but I think having the added stress of your DH upset with you isn't doing matters any good.

I hope you get better.

[Persephone]

I would suggest asking for a (cripes, my brain has gone to mush).... suspension. You can take 12 months off from your studies and return to it when things have improved.

You poor thing. It sounds beyond horrible. I hope they find a cure for you, or at least a medicine to manage it.

P.

[Kahlia]

that sounds absolutely horrible. i am lactose intolerant and i know how crippling a bad episode with that can be, but your condition sounds 100x worse


I would definately defer (that's the word you were looking for Persephone!) I deferred when I had Lincoln and i came back to study much more motivated and did better than ever. a bit different i know but as the others said, Uni is always there - your health is the priority. obviously it is having a snow balling effect and affecting your marriage, family life and business. you really dont need this extra factor at the moment.


i really hope they can find something to help you get back to a normal life.

[daysea]

I agree with deferring for 12 months and seeing where you are at then.
Deal with the illness, how you are feeling about it, your relationship with your husband etc then worry about studying later.

I have a chronic illness which requires prednisone and Ive been on it 7 years now. I put on 20kg from it as well and that alone is depressing enough without all the other things that go with having a chronic disease. prednisone is also known to cause mood changes and mood swings also so that could be some of what you are feeling depending on how high the dose it that you are on.

Forgive my bluntness here but from your description your husband needs to man up a bit and remember the better or worse part of the marraige vows. He needs to support you and do more than he did before while you deal with the medical aspect of whats going on with you. You should be able to let him know when you are having a crap day health wise and need extra help with the kids/business/housework etc and he should do it without complaining and definately without yelling, its not your fault you have this going on and if you could be rid of it you would be. Sorry for being so blunt but having an illness that means a lot of pain at times ide be so upset and hurt if my DH didnt just take on the things I cant do now and then and support me with love and respect and just plain cuddles while I have a meltdown now and then because its hard to live this way all the time.

Thinking of you George and happy to talk more via PM if you want to.

Kim

[ge0rge]

Forgive my bluntness here but from your description your husband needs to man up a bit and remember the better or worse part of the marraige vows. He needs to support you and do more than he did before while you deal with the medical aspect of whats going on with you. You should be able to let him know when you are having a crap day health wise and need extra help with the kids/business/housework etc and he should do it without complaining and definately without yelling, its not your fault you have this going on and if you could be rid of it you would be. Sorry for being so blunt but having an illness that means a lot of pain at times ide be so upset and hurt if my DH didnt just take on the things I cant do now and then and support me with love and respect and just plain cuddles while I have a meltdown now and then because its hard to live this way all the time.

Thinking of you George and happy to talk more via PM if you want to.

Kim

Not blunt - just honest. The problem we have is that he leaves for work at 4.30am, and doesn't get home until about 6 most nights, and if its busy/end of month - he doesn't get home until well after 9/10 pm. And this is 6/7 days a week. So he is tired, stress and at the end of his tether too. And the simple fact is - if he doesn't work, the business does not earn an income, then we do not get paid - there is no relying on someone else to bring in the $$$ - its all up to him. So, he is working a 80+ hour week, and then comes home to this. We have spent thousands of dollars on different drugs, and specialist appointments, and its getting to the point where there is almost resentment that I am costing all this money. Then there is resentment from me, that he is acting like this.
When we met, I was perfectly healthy - I did not get diagnosed with this condition until I was about 26 - and since then, between high risk pregnancies and the UC - our lives have been all about me - and he is just over it - its been 7 years of me me me me me.

He just does not have the ability to be in 2 places at the same time - and unfortunately, money is a necessary evil, and that means having to work for it.

I am no longer on any steroids due to the high blood pressure - but the uncontrollable rage that I was experiencing on them - I have no intention of going back on them.

Thanks everyone - I will call the uni tomorrow and organise a suspension, and whether or not it is available to me as an option. The downside to suspending my studies, is that I won't be able to go back to work as soon as he expects me too - but I doubt with the current problems I have, I would be fit enough to work.

[frenchieM]

You are no good to anyone if you don't start looking after yourself
Your health, your marriage and your family is more important right now than your future career.
In my mind it is simple, now is not the right time for you to study.
I know nothing about your condition, and it breaks my heart to read what you are going through (I actually have tears in my eyes, thinking about you being so isolated and not being able to enjoy your DD's 1st day of school).
You say its a relapse? I hope you can get back in to "remission"...and soon...it just sounds awful.

[ge0rge]

Thanks Frenchie.

It truly is a awful and horrendous disease. The only 'cure' is having the affected sections surgically removed. Then, as more and more pieces are removed, because it can come back, you end up with a colostomy, and then, if you are really unlucky, the stoma gets ulcerated out as well. This has happened to my aunt - and she can now only eat scones. She flavours them - but its scones for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Anything else disagrees with her too much, and she is now also on a feed tube, to make sure that her body gets all the proper nutrients, as scones do not provide all that much nourishment.

To put it in perspective - I have been in labour, and given birth to twins, and the pain that I get from UC - it is worse than labour itself. My aunt and female cousins that are also affected all agree that the pain is unbelievable. A couple of my female cousins opted not to have pain relief for childbirth, and all said that it was a walk in the park compared to UC attacks.
They too are like me, isolated, not able to leave the house, unless its to go to a specialists appointment, and just like me, it takes days to prep for - bread and crackers, very little fluids and also a lot of imodium. There are no guarentees, and we all know where the toilets are in our local shopping centres/petrol stations etc.

I am quite honestly at breaking point - and even more upset that I have to stop uni, I just needed reassurance that it is the right thing to do, and its not just all in my head that its too overwhelming.

Thanks

[MeNThem]

I don't have much to add because I think the others have covered it... but... *GBH*. I knew you had a lot going on with your health, but I didn't know/realise the extent of it. :'(

You know where I am if you are having a bad day and want to talk. Next time I'm over your way I'll try to leave enough time to visit too...

[skyblu]

oh hun that sounds terrible.

i agree that your Dh needs a kick to the nuts. i'm sure if it was him in this situation he's be bawling his guts up and relying on you a whole lot more. so he needs to suck it up.

defer. you dont need it right now - unless its the only thing in your life that's giving you some satisfaction.

dont shut people out, get them to coem to you. ask for help, a hand, a shoulder.

big fat old hugs for you. be good to yourself, ok??