Info and resources re: Domestic Violence

[Harlu]

Smurfette and I have been trying to pool this together for so long. Finally we have got it together for you all.

This is info for those who are currently in domestic violence situations or for people who know someone experiencing this right now.

Below is written by Smurfette:


Domestic Violence is a silent epidemic that is killing our Mums and Dads, children, friends, sisters, brothers and neighbours. Domestic violence cares not for any stereotypes. It does not matter whether you are rich or poor, black, white or green, tertiary educated or not. It does not mean you are dumb, or gullible or stupid for putting up with it as any survivor will tell you. It means you have been the subject of a master manipulator, able to slowly weave a web of lies into your reality until you believe you are nothing and have no means of proving otherwise.

Nothing can change if we continue to sit in silence and hope someone else will sort it out.

Both Harlu and I, as well as many other wonderful women on this site, have unfortunately experienced domestic violence and abuse, and have put together this information for anyone wanting to know more, for anyone with a friend caught in this kind of situation, and most importantly, for the women out there who are themselves experiencing this behaviour as we speak.

Harlu and I are both very passionate about this subject and keen to educate and advocate for victims and survivors of domestic violence. If you ever need an understanding sounding board, we are both contactable via PM, and we encourage you to utilise the resources listed below.

Most importantly of all, we want you all to know that domestic violence, in all it’s forms, is NOT ok. For the record, domestic violence includes:
· violent uncontrollable tempers that scare you,
· put downs and verbal insults about you or your friends/family,
· isolating you from support networks,
· physical intimidation,
· financial intimidation/control (“it’s MY money and I’ll tell you what you can/can’t buy”),
· forcing/guilting you into having sex,
· physical violence (hitting, punching, choking etc)
· any other tactic used to erode your self esteem, self worth or ability to see yourself separately from your partner
· threats to you, your children or other loved ones

The only way that people get out of these relationships is by seeing the behaviour for what it really and truly is. It is not because “they love you SO much”, and not because you are stupid, dumb, irresponsible or it’s “your fault”. This behaviour is by design hurtful, demeaning, demoralising and UNACCEPTABLE. It usually takes a catalyst for the victim (and it needs noting that men, and people in same sex relationships are also subjected to DV) to finally see the situation for what it truly is, to stop making excuses for the behaviour and to have the courage to do something about it.

The cycle of domestic violence ( http://incestabuse.about.com/od/dome.../a/dvcycle.htm ) is of utmost importance for EVERYONE to read and become familiar with. It details the typical steps and dynamics involved in an abusive relationship, and gives an insight into how one becomes trapped in this kind of situation.

[Harlu]

Some more from Smurfette:

What do I do if my friend is in an abusive relationship?

1. Be their friend. Ensure they know that their partner cannot isolate you from them, that you are there to listen and support, and when the opportunity arises, encourage them to speak about the behaviour and to see help.
2. Keep a log or diary of anything your friend tells you, as well as anything you witness or notice, in a designated notebook. Bruises, withdrawing even further, odd doctors visits and the like can all aid in proving the extent of the situation to both your friend as well as the police or the courts.
3. Remember that your friend likely already knows the behaviour is not acceptable but wants the same fairytale we all do. Many women are ashamed to admit to the behaviour they have been subjected to for fear of judgment and scorn, so keep this in mind when trying to encourage your friend to seek help. Leaving is not the easiest option in many instances.
4. If it is safe, print off this information, or the helpline numbers at least, and give it to your friend. They are not alone, and there are people out there who can help.

Key aspects that prevent victims from leaving an abusive relationship (good to know these if your friend is in need):

· a fear for yours and your children’s safety when your partner finds out, as well as fearing they may threaten suicide
· feelings of inadequacy
· isolation from support networks to fall back on
· feelings of wanting the children to know/see their other parent
· promises from your partner that things will get better, that no on else will love you or that you’ll be ridiculed for letting yourself get into the situation at all.
· Finances tying you to your partner, or not adequate enough to get by once you leave
· Fears about custody arrangements and the court process

Resources to help you while you’re in an abusive relationship, and after you leave

National Services
In a life threatening emergency, always call 000.

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE

1800 200 526

Interpreting service – 131 450
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Telephone counselling and support – not DV specific but very useful
Relationships Australia – 1300 364 277 or 03 9261 8700 in VIC.
For any issue regarding your relationship. Counselling and support group referrals available.

[Harlu]

NSW
Domestic Violence Line – 1800 656 463
A statewide, free call, 24/7 number, manned by trained female caseworkers. Provides telephone counselling, information and referrals for those experiencing DV, or who have experienced DV.
Women’s Legal Services NSW Advice Line – 02 9749 5533 (Sydney)
1800 801 501 (Rural free call)
Domestic Violence Advocacy Service – 02 8745 6999
Operated by Women’s Legal Services NSW, as above. Both the DV and advice lines are available from 10am-12.30pm and 1.30pm-4pm on weekdays, except Wednesday.
Women’s Outreach Legal Services – 02 9749 7700
A free service, conducted once a fortnight in 5 key locations across Sydney and the Central Coast, allowing women to meet a solicitor face to face for legal advice, info, access to services such as interpreters and referrals to community organisations and services. Legal representation is not offered, but they can assist you in finding such.
Women’s Refuge Referral and Resource Centre – 02 9698 9777
NSW Rape Crisis Centre – 02 9819 7357

QLD
Brisbane Domestic Violence Advocacy Service – 07 3217 2544
Provides info, referrals, crisis support, counselling and other services during business hours.

DVConnect – 1800 811 811
A 24hr state wide telephone service offering crisis support, counselling, emergency housing and info/referrals.

Domestic Violence Prevention Centre – 07 5562 9000
Phone line open Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fri between 9 and 5. Available just for a chat, to make an appt to see a counsellor, to join a support group, arrange court assistance or an interpreter.

VIC
Women’s Domestic Violence Crisis Service – 9373 0123
1800 015 188 (rural)
24 hour hotline for crisis support, information and referral to emergency housing.

Immigrant Women’s Domestic Violence Service – 8413 6800
Available in business hours.

Domestic Violence Resource Centre – 03 9486 9866
Available business hours for info and referral to local services and support groups. No counselling offered.

Women’s Legal Service Victoria – 03 9642 0877
Legal advice, information and referrals.

Men’s Referral Service – 9428 2899
For men wanting help to stop their abusive/violent behaviour, or women wanting help for their male partner, relative or friend. Available 12pm to 9pm Mon to Fri.

ACT
Domestic Violence Crisis Service – 02 6280 0900
24hr counselling, support and access to emergency accommodation
Women’s Legal Centre – 1800 634 669

NT
Domestic Violence Crisis Line – 1800 019 116
24hr general and domestic violence crisis counselling
Domestic Violence Counselling Service – 08 8945 6200 (Darwin)
08 8952 6048 (Alice Springs)
Open during business hours.
Legal Assistance – 08 8982 1111 (Darwin)
08 8981 9726 (Alice Springs)

SA
Domestic Violence Helpline – 1800 800 098
24 hour helpline, offering counselling for victims and their friends
Crisis Service – 1300 782 200
24 hour crisis counselling, support and referral to emergency housing.
Women’s Legal Service - 08 8221 5553

[Harlu]

If you feel you are at risk of being assaulted, or it has already occurred, you should contact the police.
The no. is 131444 or 000(life threatening situations).


If a violent incident occurs at home, then you need to have some form a safety plan in place:

If you think that an attack is about to occur, go to an area where you could possibly escape an injury – rooms with access to an outside door, stay away from bathrooms (only one entrance and exit) and kitchens.
Explain to your neighbours about what is going on and ask them to call the police if they hear noises from the home which sound like you are being hurt etc.
Have a code word in place with children/friends so they can raise the alarm
Get the children to learn their name and full of address of where they live, and how to use the telephone to call the police. Teach them also to say “someone is hurting my (whoever is being hurt)”
It’s important to get the kids either away or out of the house if something does occur. Teach them how to get out of the house, where to go outside the house or if they can’t get out – where in the house to get away from what’s happening.

Planning to leave the house

If you have decided that you are going to leave the house, then get some things together and give to a trusted friend:

Money
Bank books, photocopies of the important documents (birth certificates, passports)
Family photos, even if you can access a scanner and burn them to disk as to not raise suspicion.
Spare clothes/nappies/essentials for the children etc.
If you can, try opening up another bank account and put some money in there as often as you can (hide or destroy the statements)
Start seeking legal advice




Here is some information from Centrelink in regards to crisis payments:

http://www.centrelink.gov.au/interne...002_0612en.pdf

[Azure]

E and G,

I just want to say thank you to both of you for putting this together!! It occurs too often and I can tell you from personal experience, I never,ever predicted it would happen to me...I wish I had this information when it occured in my life.

I now speak up when I feel someone is in a potentially bad situation. I have recently lost a friend from here because I raised the fact that I felt her partner is starting to change her and alienate her from her friends.I am hoping I am wrong but if not she knows I am around.

Gillian.

[~MissUnderstood~]

Maybe something about the after effects of leaving the situation? It never ever leaves.

[xMaryx]

Great thread ladies. I have also been a victim and will chat to anyone who wants to pm me about this. I have experienced dealing with domestic violence through the legal system as well so if anyone needs someone to ask about how it all works feel free to contact me.

[franzilla]

You are gorgeous women for putting this together for the community .

Fran

[ABC]

Thanx so so much ladies for doing this!!!!!!

Made me cry!! Do you think l'm hormonal

[Smurfette]

Thanks for putting it up Harlu

It is something that I am so very passionate about, and I truly mean it - if ANYONE needs to talk about something they, or someone they know, is experiencing, please do not hesitate to PM me. The resources we listed are an amazing bunch of charity groups, govt organisations and other groups, all with your safety in mind.

Remember: no matter what your partner says, you ARE worth being loved, you CAN manage on your own and you DON'T need him/her more than you need to be safe, physically and emotionally.

Stay safe girls, look out for each other and know the signs.