Mum vs Dad discipline

[Ozzie]

Anyone out there have vastly different styles of discipline by Mum vs Dad???

It's become a bit of a problem here cause DH is so laid back & almost never follows through with a warning. Unfortunately DS is an only child at this stage of his life so he probably tends to be a bit spoilt anyway cause he has no one to share our attention with. His Dad is awesome at spending time with him - but it's almost TOO much time, and DS is becoming demanding of him & sometimes me.

I tend to be stricter even more than I need to cause I'm trying to compensate & prevent him becoming spoilt. I have read a ton of books on raising kids to be respectful & the importance of boundaries etc etc but DH has only ever read one of them, and only cottoned on to the part that mentioned needing to spend quality time with our kids. As I said he's got that one down. It's just when playtime is over it seems like I often have to step in cause DS will talk back a lot or have a mini tantrum or convince his Dad to keep playing longer, or if there was a warning to stop or xyz will happen, it usually does not happen even if the behaviour keeps up.

Any ideas on what to do here?

[AllyWA]

Sit down with a cup or a wine and talk with DH about it. Try and compromise. I have a similar problem when my parnter first gets home form work (he is FIFO 2 on 2 off) I think because he feels guilt about not being home.
We talked about it and once he could see what he was actually doing, it was much better.
Sometimes my DH gives in without even realizing that he has done it if that makes sense. The kids sure as hell know that he has though!! good luck

[Starfish]

My DH sounds similar to yours - very laid back and pretty soft on the discipline most of the time.

I definitely am harder on them, but I have to spend all day with them and without being the way I am, it would be chaos if I was as soft as he is. His main problem is feeling guilty when one or the other of the kids really really needs to be spoken to about their behaviour. They water works starts and he feels bad and just undermines the entire thing. Or if I've sent one of them to their room for a certain behaviour, he coddles them and undermines me because he feels sorry for them - drives me nuts!!

Although we do have differing styles and he can sometimes frustrate the hell out of me, the main philosophy about what is and what is not acceptable punishments in our house was a joint decision and we have both stuck with that. eg: no smacking is something we agreed upon before DD was born and so we both just don't go there. So while we do have the same philosophy, I'm unfortunately made to look like the bad guy and daddy's the cool 'friend' who saves them from mean mummy most of the time.

Gosh, no help at all was I? I do agree with PP though, sit down with DH at a quiet time and chat about your concerns. I really need to do the same too I think

[AllyWA]

Totally of the topic but my DP turned into a DH in the last post! Lol, wonder if I should tell him

[beej]

All I can say, is discipline needs to be consistent and consistent by both parents/adults.

We aren't always on the same page when it comes to discipline, but end up sitting down and talking about it to make sure the reasons we discipline and the methods used are consistent.

I think it's also normal for a mum (stay-at-home-parent, or parent who is home most) to be stricter as they deal with behaviours and discipline on a more frequent basis.

I'm not saying our methods or ways are right, it's just something we have learnt along the way.

[Ozzie]

Thanks for the replies, you're all right I know - we need to chat about it & try to be more on the same page, it's just hard to find the right time know what I mean... It's funny but isn't the Dad or father figure typically meant to be the strict one - you know - 'just wait til Dad gets home'. Well not in our household! I will try to find the time & a glass of wine, soon. At least it's good to hear there are other Mums out there in the same boat as me.

[trishalishous]

we are lucky to have similar styles, though DH will growl more quickly than I would.
We were raised at opposite ends of the spectrum, but have the same beliefs and ideals now, and stick by those