husband/partner during labour

[mummoid]

My DH reads books when I am in early labour, it's all a bit blase now, he did annoy me though by wanting me to get out the shower everytime I made noises, I think he was afraid I was going to birth in the shower. In later labour he is great especially when I am stroppy. Wonderful at putting pressure on my back for my posterior labours and good at giving me drinks, as far as down there goes, he is squeamish at the best of times so is happy to watch from the other end. The only thing he is not good about is if I poo when pushing he usually makes a comment, and is usually silenced by the looks that could kill by the midwives.

[yogi]

There's lots of ways your partner can get into the labour with you. I am a mother of four and a yoga teacher and I always encourage birth partners to get as involved as possible so they're not just standing there watching us labour! They can sit on the birth ball with you, read you through a birthing visualisation and do a variety of massages on your lower back. Hope this helps!

[shymum]

My DH has been pretty hopeless and seems to have gotten worse by the 3rd birth. For #3 he just sat there on the phone to his friend makingjokes and waited for the baby to be born - while that labour was the most intense of all 3. I ended up kicking him in the shins when he made one particular joke (like get the F over here and help me you jerk! which I didn't say but wanted to).
Although when contractions are very strong I know I can squeeze his hand until it hurts and I know he won't say anything.
With #4 on the way I am thinking about a doula but I know my DH would be extremely offended. I think I just have to tell him what I need and remind him he's there to support me.

[lorelei]

DH was excellent during labour and birth. My waters broke early and I went back and forth between the hospy and home that day (my choice, I didn't want to be in hospy during the early part of labour) and he happily ferried me around all day and waited around while bubs was monitored before they sent me home.

Back at home when things started getting serious, he happily helped by applying pressure to my lower back during contractions while I leaned over the fitball.

He was the one that persuaded me to go back to hospital (I was the one who was delaying). Which was just as well, as by the time I got back there, I was 10cm and ready to go.

He had no problems being down the business end during birth - alternating between there and up near me. When they took bubs to weigh her (I needed a moment to collect myself before I really wanted to meet her), I encouraged him to go and keep her company, and then brought her back for me to have a cuddle and give her a feed.

Yeah, he was great, and seemed to have no problems with anything afterwards. Not that I am implying that sheep and women are similar, but he had spent a fair bit of time on the land and had seen plenty of animals having their babies, so it was nothing shocking for him.

[gorgeous]

Get your DH/DP involved. Mine was great both times. He rubbed my back for 8h straight first time, stood up for me and communicated my wishes to the nurses/midwives so that I could concentrate on the task at hand and just generally supported me.

Second time around he did what he could to support me through my 2 1/2 day labor - left me alone when I wanted to be left alone, gave me reassurance when I needed it and again stood up for me when the midwife and OB tried to talk me into a c/s and then into taking painkillers and sleeping tablets I didn't want. At the end he held DD while I worked for another 30min to push DS#2 out. He even cut DS#2's cord (the only one he cut) after a bit of coaxing from me, OB, 3 midwives and the paed. No idea if the med students in the room also chimed in at that stage.

If you want your DP/DH to be and feel useful tell him beforehand what you expect out of your labor and birth and what your wishes are. Involve him in drawing up a birth plan and make sure he understands it. The one invaluable thing he can do during labor and once your in hospy is speak for you and communicate/stand up for your wishes so you don't have to. You will be busy with the task at hand and also vulnerable to being badgered into something you don't want and might regret later.

It did effect how he saw me in the bedroom - he wanted me even more!

[ronaldo0020]

I encouraged him to go and keep her company, and then brought her back for me to have a cuddle and give her a feed.

[zeeeb]

i was secretly releived when it turned out that i had 2 x c/sections. i don't think my partner would have been much good. he's not very patient, and he like to know whats going one. he would have been going mental.

when i went into pre-labour he was panciking and made me go to hospital (he called his mum at 4am and told her to come) when i knew it wasn't that bad yet. but because i was getting regular pains, he was freaking out, although they weren't bad, i was just making breathing sounds and he was freaked out.

my first c/section was necessary, but the decision to ask for the second c/section with baby no. 2 was at least 50% due to his reaction on his part. there was no way he was going to be any help at all for me if i was going to be in labour for the next 2 days. he just couldn't have dealt with it.

he would have annoyed me, he would have had the camera out and i would have ended up jamming it up his butt. he would have been sure something was wrong when it was just labour. and he would have stressed me out more instead of sitting there quietly and doing everything he was told to do (like he should).

the mans job is to be quiet and calm, and do what they are told. back rubs if the lady wants them, water or food or music if the lady wants it, and to keep patient and kind and calm when the lady changes her mind every five minutes. to suck it up when the lady screams and swears at him, and to always tell her she's doing a great job, but not so much so that it gets annoying. oh and to always tell her she is right.

[BreeH]

My husband was there for me as I needed him. He was there to hold me tight through a contraction if I needed it, there it smile at between contractions as we were doing this together, there to get the birthing pool ready, there to watch our children being born. Yes it did change the way he parents I think as he was an active part of the births. He had skin to skin time while I was birthing the placentas so imprinted early on the bubs. There are some really good articles out there for Dads at births... particularly on the so called 'alternative' or homebirth sites. Here's a really good article about it Men At Birth - Should Your Bloke Be There? (and a great site anyhow. The birth articles alone were my birth 'bible').

[LoveNeverFails]

Hubby and I always knew he would be there for any births. We are the type of ppl who discuss EVERYTHING before even marriage, so there is no question about what we expect from each other and the way we see/do things. This covered important things like parenting styles,littlest discussed things like "will hubby be there or someone else?" and it was always him. We also decided for him to stay up
The top end and not watch the baby come out. I was worried about him seeing me like that and he didn't want to see that mess either.

In saying that, With our first, he stayed up top the whole time, and then at the end when the babies head was about to crown the nurse asked him if he wanted to come see and tell me the colour bubs hair to encourage me... He looked at me like he had changed his mind and I looked at him like I had too... And he went down there and had a look and told me the hair colour. He was so glad he did and so was I. So no matter what you plan for, you may find you both choose a different way in the heat of the moment. Labor changes things sometimes. And no, it did not affect his attraction to me at all. He was able to easily separate childbirth from sex. Two completely different things in his mind. I think my huge stomach during pregnancy was more of a turn off than seeing me give birth amazingly enough (although he never said it). Also, seeing what I had to achieve to bring baby to the world gave him a greater appreciation of me and my role in the whole thing. He thought I was wonder woman!

As far as the whole labor went, he was fantastic. He stayed with me the whole time. From first contraction at home, to the last push in the hospital. He barely spoke (as is his personality anyway) asides from "your doing great" "would you like some water" and "it's okay" when he thought I needed it. He rubbed my back when I asked, and sat at a distance when I needed space. He looked like a sea of calm the entire time even in the hardest part of labor.

Apparently when he walked into his sisters house that night later on to get some sleep, he was as white as a sheet and as traumatized as hell from the whole experience. He admitted he felt helpless watching me in pain and felt terrible and was glad it was over. But at the time, you wouldn't have known it because he pushed aside his own feelings (he must have been exhausted as he barely slept even the night before when
I was contracting) sucked it up like a man and was a calm and caring hero!! I was so greatful he didn't let off how traumatizing it was for him coz it would have made it that much worse for me.

For over a year afterwards he couldnt even speak about labour let alone imagine having another child ever again simply because of what he saw me go Through, but, of course, given time he was over it and we are pregnant again and he is now ready to go through it with me again lol poor fella.

He was amazing and is going to be there again this time around.

There really is not much at all they can do for you except be there. Hold your hand, rub your back, smile and say its going to be okay. Whatever but most of the time they just have to stand/sit there and cry Inside as you battle it out. They are like your silent war partners. As far as seeing the baby come out goes, it's only a matter of watching or not watching. Catching or not catching. Cutting the cord or not cutting the cord. It's not rocket science and shouldn't be worried about too much. Whatever happens happens, either way it's not going to effect the future of your child no matter what some moronic new age baby "expert" tells you. For me, I was just glad he was there with me.