Delay? Rare affection? Mummy exhaustion...

[HisMum]

Ahh, I don't know exactly what this post is about, but... I suppose it is a vent.

My son is 19 months old, a June 2010 baby. He has 4 half siblings on his fathers side who have global developmental delay, and one has autism.
I am concerned about my son, and have been for some time... I have sought help... and he is on the waiting list for early intervention, and see's a speech pathologist once a month, but he has not been diagnosed with anything yet, it is all just precautionary until we know for sure.
Physically he is great, 95th percentile for heigh and 75th for weight, but he does not talk, he only has one word - CAR and has been saying it for about 2 months, with no sign of any other words.
He also is not very affectionate, especially with me, which can hurt inside sometimes and brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it... I am always telling him I love him and give him lots of affection as well as lots of space. My mother thinks it is because I am just MUM, and I am there all the time.
He also doesn't point at all, but he whines and whines to tell you something. He will just come up to you and look stressed and frustrated and go "EHHH EHHH! EHHHH! EHHHHHHH!!!!" and the longer you take to work it out the more upset he becomes, and it breaks my heart. Occasionally he will take you by the hand to what he wants, then whine for it. I try so hard to work on learning new words, pointing things out and naming them, or I try to back right off and not push the issue... to try a new approach, but nothing makes a difference.

Because of this he has a lot of tantrums, and it is so tiring for both of us. And I am feeling run down, and upset tonight that my hard work in trying to help him is not paying off in any way for him...
I've got so many toys, flash cards, DVD's recommended etc, but he is not interested in most of it, or sitting and playing with a toy the 'right' way. He doesn't stack blocks or any similar skills like that. He mainly will run matchbox cars along the ground over and over again, and has a fascination with water in glasses and spining wheels or things that go round and round. I feel bored as he just runs the cars on ground in silence most of the day if at home, or has tantrums when out, we go to parks and he wants to stay in the car park and study the wheels of vehicles and shows little interest in the play equipment - I spend most of the time dragging him back to the park only to have him throw tantrums then for not letting him stay on the ground studying the car wheels
It can be hard when other Mums write online "oh DS is learning so quickly, a new word every day, he amazes us!!"
I love my little man with all my heart and I want him to be able to express himself and..... all those things that a mother wants for her child.....

So I guess this post is to voice my worry for my sons development, and also to see if anyone can offer advice, as a single Mum I am feeling so tired and teary tonight, I have really tried particularly hard this week to teach and play with the little man and work on a new word, but he has pushed me away, wont let me cuddle him...
I am just feeling pretty blah.
Speaking to my Mum, she says to just let him have his space, which I do, and that he may just be that kind of boy, and when he comes to me, give him my time... otherwise just let him be... But it is hard.

[newlife]

Your ds sounds like mine and he's almost 26 months. He adores cars and all objects are cars. He has few other words for actions which are only clear to me and dh. Plays with nothing else and is frustrated that he can't communicate. He has developmental problems and sees specialists. I too see other toddlers who are way more advanced and find it disheartening. After talking with many many people, professionals and other parents you have to remember all kids are different and develop at their own pace. (you probably are aware of this anyway). Go see your gp, get a referal to a pediatrician even if it is to just ease your own mind. Also remember that most late developers do catch up. Being a mum is hard. Specially more so if there is something wrong or they are not quite normal according to standards.

I hope this helped. Even a bit.

[Z'sMum]

Your thread brought a tear to my eye...
I couldn't read and not reply.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time - I'm no expert and I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to send you great big virtual hugs.

I'm sure there are some ladies on here that can offer some words of advice.

[frenchieM]

Thats great you are seeing a speech path and on the waiting list for more help.
I don't have any advice either, but just wanted to say that it sounds like you are doing a great job, and that you need to give yourself some credit for the good job you are doing.
And let him study the car wheels if he wants to, maybe one day he will be a mechanic?!?! or a rally car driver
It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is, and to know if your child is "normal" (whatever that is!) and every child has there own quirks, just like every adult does but I do think if you are worried then you are doing everything you possibly can by seeking help.

[MrsL]

Oh love . . . . i can't exactly understand where you are right now, but i know if it were me, I'd be upset too!

Does your DS make any or much eye contact? I only ask because some of the traits he is showing is classic of autism (I'm sorry to bring it up . . . . and hey im no professional!) The lack of pointing or making jestures and lack of speech is an indicator . . . also becoming fixated on one subject - eg: the cars & car wheels . . . and not making typical imaginative play ( although this is difficult to truly judge at his age. ) Also if he is becoming very unsettled in new or different inviroments. Autistic children & adult also find it very hard to relate to people or read others feelings, so this too could be the answer for his less than affectionate behaviours - it wouldnt be anything personal to do with you! So dont think your a bad mum or that he doesnt love you!!

I only know this info as i have a brother who has mild aspergers and also a family friend is a child phycologist (he also has a autistic son - very low functioning sadly.) I also have a friend whos DS is the same age as my DS1 and he was diagnosed as autistic at around 18 months or so (i noticed he may be autistic before she did, i didnt mention it AT ALL . . .. i didnt want to be the one who bought it up, her CHN noticed something was up too so got her onto it.)

If you feel something is wrong, early intervention is VERY important. Do bring up these concerns with your GP and get a referal for a paed and or a child phycologist. What ever the issue may or may not be it is worth investigating.