Your own money/bank account??

[zesmum]

I have always been very dependent on DH financially. We moved in together when I was still at uni and working part time. Then we went o/s and when we came back I was a SAHM for about 5 1/2 years. So DH has always supported me and paid all the bills. I can't even withdraw money from our account as I lost my new PIN and can't be bothered ordering a new card. I have to ask DH to get cash out for me...

Now we both work full time and I still feel like I need to justify my spending. I want to have my own account and credit card just so I can buy somethings without DH knowing; little things or like a b'day present for him without him knowing exactly what I spent.

Problem is DH has always managed our money so he knows exactly what I earn and has all our accounts set up, just so. How can I explain what I want without it sounding like I want to keep secrets from him? I can't just set up an account without telling him as he would notice that not all my pay was going into our joint account. I can't set up my own credit card as when I go to pay it, he would see that there was money missing.

How do I do this?? Any ideas appreciated...

[toddleralert]

maybe just ask him if he would like you to help with the finances as your interested? and go from there... ask him if he would be angry if you got your own card? i duno hun

it really is a hard one, see DF and i are the oppisite, we closed our joint account cause we were spending more money than we should have been so with seperate accounts, we spend less, cause thats 'all we have' each so to speak.


maybe with christmas coming up, tell him that you want to buy himand the kids chrissy pressies and its just easier if you get your own card? that way he doesnt have to 'wait' to buy something cause you have the card?

[zesmum]

Sorry, should have explained. I do have a credit card - it is an additional card on DH's account so everything I spend goes on the bill that he can see.

I want my own one, on my own bill so only I can see what I spend.

[Nomadess]

Tell him that straight out - it would be nice to be able to buy him presents without him knowing how much they cost and have a splurge week on lattes without feeling guilty.

[jennyd]

We have a joint checking and savings account .
DH (for some reason ) does not have access to the savings account so it's all mine .LOL
I really don't have alot of money in it but I try to deposit $20 here and there ...trying to save a little without DH knowing .
I'm a SAHM so I try to save a little extra so I have money to do special things with the kids without having to tell him I took money out of the checking account .

Maybe open a little savings account and when you go do grocery shopping put aside a little and deposit it ?
I don't know...sounds a little too sneaky
Would he be angry if he found out ?

[Lisa]

Babe! Just tell him! Honesty is the best policy. Tell him you would like to be able to buy him girfts and feel a little independant etc.

I am sure he will support you!

[kezmo]

yep, just tell him what you want to do and then do it, i can't really see why he could really be annoyed with that but if he is, he'll get over it

FWIW - DH and i have a joint account and then our own separate accounts, i've got 2 in my name and i wouldn't have it any other way for the reasons you've outlined

[bellabel]

Originally Posted by kezmo

yep, just tell him what you want to do and then do it, i can't really see why he could really be annoyed with that but if he is, he'll get over it

FWIW - DH and i have a joint account and then our own separate accounts, i've got 2 in my name and i wouldn't have it any other way for the reasons you've outlined

As above! I've done the sneaky thing (not putting details) and it doesn't feel nice at all even though the money was used for us! I would squirm to ensure I got to the maill first. Not nice.

Ask, no tell him nicely that you'd lije a separate allowance account for the reasons you've outlined.

And really what are you worried about - if he says no, you really need to ask him why he needs such high control. Make sure you let him know it's an independence thing and not about "yours" and "mine" because as you say he's paid for all for a long time.

Congrats on the job and this new path.

[mumgem]

I'm kind of going the other way and hubby won't let it happen easily I WANT to join up our accounts again - he's far better at managing and spending money (ok well no, I'm better at spending, he's better at spending sensibly) than I am and he manages most of the big important bills. I'd like to get my own money into my account, keep what I NEED for little bills and petrol etc. and send him the rest to manage but he keeps insisting we just keep our separate accounts.

But I certainly wouldn't be trying to keep a secret account because he'd have every right to be suspicious when you've happily plodded along this way all the time and suddenly have secrets - I'd be worried if my partner did that to me.

So just tell him for the reasons you've mentioned above.

My Mum and Dad have joint accounts and Mum manages the money but Dad gets an "allowance" every week and that's what he uses for smokes, buying lunch at work, having a drink with mates, whatever he chooses to use it for socially. Once that money is up he waits until the week is out (or begs Mum for more hehehe) but it works well. He has his own account with his own "free" money to do with as he wishes and Mum doesn't need to know about it. And I think that's ideally how I'd like to operate with our money.

So do up the budget, assess how much you might use for gifts, special treats, magazines, whatever you want it for, and suggest a regular account deposit for you and you alone and use it as you wish.

[Leesie]

Originally Posted by mumgem

My Mum and Dad have joint accounts and Mum manages the money but Dad gets an "allowance" every week and that's what he uses for smokes, buying lunch at work, having a drink with mates, whatever he chooses to use it for socially. Once that money is up he waits until the week is out (or begs Mum for more hehehe) but it works well. He has his own account with his own "free" money to do with as he wishes and Mum doesn't need to know about it. And I think that's ideally how I'd like to operate with our money.

So do up the budget, assess how much you might use for gifts, special treats, magazines, whatever you want it for, and suggest a regular account deposit for you and you alone and use it as you wish.

Yep we have a monthly allowance here too and it works very well. For pressies we have a set amount we spend on each other and if we want to keep it a secret we just draw that amount out to buy the pressie. We have gifts money allocated in our budget with a limit for friends and family and a different one for our immediate family. I do the budget but it is set up in a way where we both have freedom within our means. I love it!