Egg Donors

[suziz3]

Hi there,

Very curious to hear others views on Egg Donation. I am for it and this I guess isnt really a debate in my head but just a few questions that might turn it into one...

I have always wanted to be an egg donor one day, to help out a family that cant have children. Most people who are desperate to have kids and can't and need a donor generally really really want a child. My issue in my head is feeling responsible if something went wrong with how the family treated the child etc. I know you take a gamble, meet the family etc but who is really to know how they will cope once they have a child and if they were starting "too late" and needed the egg and regretting it. I think I would be everyday thinking about that child and thinking what if they do something to the child, or a family member does? Atleast I can protect my kids here and know that I have done my best!
Also what I am wondering is why do the ads for donors always say need to have finished your family? is that because you may get attached or I dont know.. I know there is someone on the board here who is going to do it but would love others opinions?
My step brother and wife had to use IVF to get pregnant and used the method where the two are put together then inserted. She had 3 embryos frozen that they have now discarded as they dont want more kids. I asked them about donating them but for them that was a different issue as it was the complete husband and wife baby and would be a match to their son so yes I fully agree with their reasons for what they did...

probably no question in here that makes sense but try anyway,

cheers
suzie

[shannie]

Wow Suzi i have never really thought of it that way in regards to someone else and how they would treat that baby/child i always thought of it as more of a just give them the egg and thats is it not that i have though about it that much . I suppose i would be all for it as long as every one was comfortable with it especially if it was me wanting a child and not being able to conceive and would more likey consider donating if it was for someone i knew for a long time and knew would be good parents like a sister or something .You certainly got me thinking about this one .

bye shannie

[Tannie]

I have similar reservations - I wouldn't just want to donate to anyone & I'd want to be sure that they were open and honest with the child and if any child ever wanted to contact me, then they would be able to.............however, as I'm now considered too old - I don't have to face this one unfortunately
Some years ago my family did face it & there was (in Qld anyway) mandatory counselling that had to take place before any donation could occur and it's a very involved process. So if you are interested, I'm pretty sure you would be required to have several sessions with an approved psychologist who would cover all the "issues" you have raised and you would be accepted or rejected based on these sessions...........as far as I'm aware this is what happens - but I'm not certain.
It's a big thing to donate as you have to go through IVF ovary stimulation cycle and have the eggs removed under anaesthetic etc - so it's no walk in the park, but I think it's a wonderful thing to do and quite honestly, if I was younger I would certainly consider it (having known several people - some family & friends who needed donor eggs but couldn't get them.... ) but as I said - the decision is gone from me anyway, which is unfortunate, cause if you could see the beautiful bub one of my eggs has produced - I'm sure my eggs would be in HUGE demand

Oh - just wanted to add that I think it's sad that so many embryo's are destroyed......BUT I can definitly understand why - it would be a LOT harder giving a fully genetically yours embryo away then an egg (for me anyway)......I would see it kinda as almost "adoption" - so not sure I could do it either - but for couples who desperately want a child, it must be heartbreaking knowing that so many embryo's are just left to thaw every day..............VERY hard one? I'm glad I will never have to face this decision......
T

[taranbubs]

Nope, i couldn't do it.

Even if i met the family etc.. i know how to behave in a interview. Unless you lived with them for months you wouldn't really know what they were like.

I guess giving someone your egg, is like giving someone your child in my eyes. I think if you can do that, good on you there are many people out there who really need you. But i dunno, the thought that i have a baby out there.. thats just like me. And i know, a little gross but what if my daughter married the baby and i didn't know it was them?!? I think thats a big worry to me. If the guy was around the same age of the child etc.. and his back ground was from an egg donor?? Maybe thats a little Sci- fi but you would be stressed until you have a dna test.

[pebblemuncher]

I'm with Chester. I couldn't do it. I guess for me a big part of having a child is knowing that DH and I have made something together that is a part of each of us. If I were to donate eggs I would really have kids anywhere/everywhere.
Also like Chester said (and it's not as sci-fi as you think!!) there is the possiblity of your children meeting and marrying. I have heard a lot of true stories about people who have met, got married and then found they were related.
I think however that for people who desperately want a child, the adoption process should be less expensive and easier. There are so many children out there who don't have parents or who have been rejected and need a loving caring home. Thats the better alternative for me

[warriormaid]

Since this topic has been brought up, I thought I'd let you guys know that on Monday night at 830pm 4 corners are actually broadcasting a show on Donor conception. Here is their link http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/conte...5/s1486589.htm.

Briefly it will be about a man who has donated 300+ times in Sydney ; about DI offspring twins who are now 40 yrs old, and their discovery to find their ID and the ID of their sperm donor father. Also about government legislation

[suziz3]

Thanks Warriermaid....I am going to watch that one...

love you avator by the way...very cute baby!

Suzie

[ShannonK]

My sisters and I have always said that we would donate eggs to each other if we ever needed it. So far both my older sister and me have children - so my little sister assumes she will not have any problems. But if she did have a problem and needed donated eggs - I'd be there in an instant to help her. I think its one thing to help out a close family member - but I couldn't donate my eggs to anyone else - there would be a huge part of me that would always wonder about the child.....

Shannon

[Julesnbubs]

Well its interesting to hear different opinions on this matter, and is something i have been thinking of, of late, after reading some desperate pleas in ads last week.

Personally it is something i would be interested in looking into. After trying for 17mths (which i know is nothing compared to what other woman have gone through) and having the scary thought, that i may never get the chance to have a bubs, it really opened up my eyes.

I feel so sorry for couples out there, that there is nothing more in the world that they yearn for, then to have a baby of there own, to feel what pregnancy and parenthood is all about, and never being blessed with one.

I can understand peoples concerns about, never knowing how the kids are being treated etc, but in all honesty, these little eggs that become there babies, is there ultimate gift and dream. I couldnt imagine that a couple who have tried for years and years, spent tens of thousands of dollars on IVF programes, along with the total emotional draining process that goes with it, enter into it lightly or would take the baby for granted at all. It would be there little miracle. So i cant really see them being mistreated. I mean all parents make mistakes and have to learn along the way, but thats just part of the parenting process.

I guess it all depends on how you are able to deal with the situation as a donor. For me, my thinking i guess is, that egg is nothing to me, it was never going to be fertilised, and therefore go to waste. People never think of all the eggs that die within them and wonder would they have been a boy or girl, what they would look like, what would they be doing now, if you had gone on to have just one more kid and actually used that egg. I know its different from when they are actually donated to someone else, and it does turn into a little being, im just kind of giving an example. Like why think about something that was just going to die anyway kind of thing, instead of feeling youve made someones life worth living by blessing them the the baby they dream about every single day, from when they first wake up in the morning, until they climb into bed at night. Every baby they pass in the street, or baby ad etc is just a reminder of what they dont have, and so desperately want.

I just feel so terribly sad that many ultra loving couples miss out on the one thing in the world they truely desire, and no matter how much money they have or dont have, its something that they cant just neccesarily buy. (eg IVF doesnt work for everyone because of there poor egg quality etc)

I also agree with pebblemuncher about the adoption system. Its so sad that there all these kids in homes, and bad foster care situations, living on the street, and in need of a loving homes, cant be matched up with a loving couple, willingly wanting to take one on, more easily and cheaply. I understand they need to make sure the child is going to a good home, but why make it so difficult?

Anyway, hope i havnt offended anyone at all, cause its certainly not my intention and i completely understand the comments made already in this thread on other womans views
Just giving MY opinions

[Ker]

Jules, you said EXACTLY how I feel! I feel so so badly for people that will never have the chance to be a parent. Especially after having my son! And yes, the unfertilised eggs will just go to waste if not used.

A while ago, I went to the baby expo here and someone had put fliers on cars. It was the story of a childless couple who were desperate for a baby. These people had printed out hundreds of fliers and papered the car park with them.

I read thier story and thought about it...and thought about it...and thought about it. And finally, after about 2 weeks, I emailed the person's address, offering her my eggs. As it turned out, she had another offer and was going through testing with that person. She did ask to keep my address in case it should fail. That was 8 months ago and I haven't heard from her so I can only assume she got her dream I hope so, anyhow.

P.S The eggs are no biggie, I think. I got tested to donate a kidney to a woman who needed one. We couldn't go through with it as I have Chronic Fatigue. I hope she got the kidney she needs to live...